My love of Whores is absolutely no secret [insert obligatory dumbass remark here]. I’ve been touting how fucking incredible this band is since the first time I saw them. Truth be told, I had absolutely no idea who they were, and was just there to see my homies in Junior Bruce rock out. The first thing I noticed was their out-of-control rigs, and that their drummer had set his kit up sideways. Other than that, they’re rather unassuming looking fellas, and I didn’t really expect a whole lot. Yes, I know that sounds jaded, but it’s the truth. We’ve all sat through entirely too many god awful bands before. Absolutely nothing could’ve prepared me for the unadulterated sonic incursion that was about to be beaten mercilessly into my soul through my ear canals. It took me til about half way through the first song to realize what the hell it was that was actually happening to me. I, for the first time in god only knows how long, was being completely blown away by a band I knew absolutely nothing about. To say it was a beautiful thing is the biggest understatement I’ve made in years. I was instantly hooked. All I could think was “Fucking finally! A band that truly embodies everything that rock ‘n roll is supposed to be about!”

Since that day, I’ve forged a friendship with the band, and not only do they kick total ass as a band, but they’re some of the nicest, and more importantly HUMBLE people I’ve ever met. Which brings me to my next point. This three piece is from Atlanta, GA. A city that is absolutely stacked with amazing bands. As far as being humble: Whores would never come out, and say this. But I’m not in Whores, and I absolutely will. They are hands down, and without a doubt the best band Atlanta has, had, or will have for the forseeable future. It amazes me how much ease I can say such a thing like that with, but there’s not even remotely a second thought for me. It just is what it is. Everything they do is done with what seems to be this effortless precision. It’s truly a pleasure to witness.

Okay! Okay! Enough of my obvious fanboy rhetoric. Let’s get down to the business of why we’re actually here. That would be that yesterday was the release of their EP Ruiner out on Brutal Panda Records (http://brutalpandarecords.com/). There’s a couple of things that Whores do to me that drive me absolutely insane (but in a good way). Their live show is so fucking intense that I almost feel bad putting other bands on a bill with them. If you’re lucky enough to share the stage with these guys, bring your big boy/girl game, or you’re gonna get blown right the fuck off of said stage. Their live show also makes this the most difficult record I’ve reviewed to date. This is in no way saying anything negative about the record, or the band. It’s just that I’ve spoiled myself with their live show, and I’ve even said to singer/guitarist Christian Lembach a couple of times that I feel it’s impossible for an engineer to capture what it is they really are as a band in a studio setting. (Wait! I was supposed to knock that fanboy rhetoric shit off. Damn it!)

If I only had one word to describe Ruiner, it would be “thick”. Luckily for me, I have as many words as I want. Ruiner kicks off on the A-side with the track Daddy’s Money. I’m not sure if this track is directed at anyone specific, but it can most certainly be applied toward the sniveling little asshole Hollywood elite. You know, those talentless hacks that plague our airwaves just because they’re the heirs to some corporate throne, but have absolutely jack shit to actually offer humanity. The ones that get busted with illicit drugs, and buy their way out with a slap on the wrist by getting sent off to some country club in Beverly Hills. Whereas if it were you, or I that got busted with the same thing, we’d be in one phase or another of the penal system for the next 5-10 years. I like to think of Daddy’s Money as an anthematic “FUCK YOU!” to them. Pay to win, indeed. That shit won’t last forever, though.

The second track on the A-side is Fake Life. Fake life is beautiful in it’s simplicity. What I mean by that the only lyrics to the song are “How do you like your fake life? I want it and I got to have it”. Straight to the jugular lyrically, and musically a kick-ass rock ‘n roll song that could get Stephen Hawking’s hips a swingin’.

Rounding out the A-side is my personal favorite track on Ruiner: Shower Time. Falling just short of three minutes, this track is so blistering it leaves you with what can only be described as “speaker-burn”. The only thing I ask is the aphids and the ants don’t have their way with this band anytime soon.

The B-side of Ruiner has two tracks. Starting off with the longest, and slowest song on this phenominal piece of art: Straight Down. Yes, Straight Down has a bit of a slower tempo to it. Make no mistake: it rocks, and it rocks fucking hard. Concluding the record is Tell Me Something Scientific. This track will always be near, and dear to my heart as it is the first song I ever heard by Whores. Both live, and recorded. It is the initial song that had me hooked from the very beginning.

Now, perhaps you’re asking yourself by this point what this band even sounds like. Well, it’s rather hard for me to describe. There’s not really a genre, or sub-genre I can just carelessly cram Whores into. Though their influences should be evident to everyone, there’s not a really a band I can, or would compare them to. They’re just Whores. Are they heavy? Without a doubt. Are they loud? It doesn’t come any louder. Are they fun as all hell to rock out to? Well, I wouldn’t haven’t written all this slurping fanboy stuff if they weren’t. What I will say about Whores is they have the uncanny ability to take me back to the early/mid 90′s, and make me feel like a young kid discovering new and interesting music for the first time. Not a lot of bands do that for me these days. So, do yourself a favor and head on over to brutalpandarecords.com, and purchase this absolute gem. It is worthy of anyone’s collection.

Check out the digital copy of Ruiner on Whores’ Bandcamp page by clicking here.

- Ryan NinetyProof Pemberton